A homeless person comes up to the front door of a smart looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the homeless person asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days."
The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch, I will give you a good meal."
So the homeless person goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down. The cook will bring your meal right in."
The homeless man says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porsche you got there. It's a BMW."
Why God never got a PhD
-----------------------
He had only one major publication.
It was written in Aramaic, not in English.
It has no references.
It wasn't even published in a refereed journal.
There are serious doubts he wrote it himself.
It may be true that he created the world, but what has he done since then?
His cooperative efforts have been quite limited.
The Scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results.
He unlawfully performed not only Animal, but *Human* testing.
When one experiment went awry, he tried to cover it by drowning his subjects.
When the subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the sample.
He rarely came to lectures, just told his students to read the book.
Some say he had his son to teach the class.
He expelled his first two students for learning.
Although there were only 10 requirements, most of his students failed the tests.
His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountain top.
A woman goes to the vet and told him that something was wrong with her dog. The vet examines the animal and explains to the woman that her dog has died.
"I don't believe you", she said, "I'd like a second opinion". The vet said that would be fine and he goes into the other room and gets a cat. The vet puts the cat up on the table with the dog. The cat sniffs the dog and jumps down. The vet then goes and gets a black Labrador, he puts him on the table and the Labrador sniffs the dog and then jumps down.
The vet tells the lady again, "I'm sorry, but your dog is definitely dead. That will be £600 for the exam."
"£600! That's ridiculous", says the woman, "What are the charges for?" she exclaimed.
"£600 is a bargain", the vet explained, "£50 for me and only £550 for the cat scan and lab work."
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