Bad places

[polomint38]

Slough

Come friendly bombs and fall on Slough!
It isn't fit for humans now,
There isn't grass to graze a cow.
Swarm over, Death!

Come, bombs and blow to smithereens
Those air -conditioned, bright canteens,
Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans,
Tinned minds, tinned breath.


Mess up the mess they call a town-
A house for ninety-seven down
And once a week a half a crown
For twenty years.


And get that man with double chin
Who'll always cheat and always win,
Who washes his repulsive skin
In women's tears:


And smash his desk of polished oak
And smash his hands so used to stroke
And stop his boring dirty joke
And make him yell.


But spare the bald young clerks who add
The profits of the stinking cad;
It's not their fault that they are mad,
They've tasted Hell.


It's not their fault they do not know
The birdsong from the radio,
It's not their fault they often go
To Maidenhead


And talk of sport and makes of cars
In various bogus-Tudor bars
And daren't look up and see the stars
But belch instead.


In labour-saving homes, with care
Their wives frizz out peroxide hair
And dry it in synthetic air
And paint their nails.


Come, friendly bombs and fall on Slough
To get it ready for the plough.
The cabbages are coming now;
The earth exhales


- John Betjeman

So I had a job based in Slough, mostly I worked from home but going into Slough for meeting was the most tedious part of the Job. So this for me has a certain personal resonance.

What I like about it:

From the first line it grabs my attention with the phrase "friendly bombs." There's a dissonances between friendly and bombs. How can a tools of destruction be friendly? The mind struggles to find some overlap between these two concepts.

This is clearly an attack on the nasty urban sprawl but it's softened from the start by the word friendly. What could be hate it turned instead to pity.

The next phrase that really grabs me is "tinned minds." It's context is in a list of other tinned items which emphasised the concepts of mass production and blandness.

The first line of tins is "Tinned fruit, tinned meat, tinned milk, tinned beans" all stuff which we're familiar with being in tins. Yes they're the lesser cousin of their fresh counterparts but we see an occasional need for them. The repetition takes this from occasional to everything tinned. The minds and breath. Two things that ideally associated with grow unconstrained. The idea of preserving them, containing them is abhorrent. The quality of air is echoed again later when "Their wives frizz out peroxide hair And dry it in synthetic air"

Based on this, which places (not just UK) do you think the annihilation of, would improve the world (assuming no deaths).

Do not bother to mention Croydon as this is a taken.

[smudge]

Hatfield and Stevenage are pet hates in Hertfordshire.

Wales has some glorious countryside and I love to visit. Sadly, some of the towns are less appealing....

[Jules]

Wales has some glorious countryside and I love to visit. Sadly, some of the towns are less appealing....

Agreed, some are very grim. Merthyr Tydfil makes Luton seem like Hawaii...

I live about 3 miles from the border and would be horrified if had to move back to London/SouthEast, not only great countryside but the roads are blissfully empty, and great cider here in Herefordshire!

[chaggle]

Los Angeles

I have worked in many countries in the world and some I loved (Poland and Oman spring to mind) and some I hated - I didn't like Saudi Arabia - no drink and no women - they just don't exist in Saudi.

Los Angeles is bloody awful although. like everywhere else, the people there are great. It's the sheer inhuman scale of the place which gets me down and the fact that you've got to drive everywhere. Go out for a beer and you'll probably have to drive for an hour. Walking, in an hour you've probably only passed a few houses. I exaggerate only slightly. I was glad to leave after two weeks.

[skbuncks]

Bradford, the arsehole of Yorkshire

skb

[Watchman]

Based on this, which places (not just UK) do you think the annihilation of, would improve the world (assuming no deaths).

A lot of choices here , apparently made on aesthetic grounds or possibly on the grounds of personal experience.
But how about this ….. ?
How about we remove Jerusalem …. ?
Just a thought , I got the idea from what my mom used to say to us as kids.
“If you can’t learn to share & play nicely I’ll take it off you and no-one will have it”.
(I rebel against the loss of all that historical source material but when you look at how the symbolism of the place is used it may be worth it. Unless you know differently….)

[bindeweede]

Luton, which I have seen described as "a skid mark on the UK's underpants!"

[Tony Williams]

Betjeman's poem was of course in the news lately - quoted by the lawyers defending that chap who was appealing against his conviction for sending an exasperated text message threatening to blow up an airport if it didn't open soon.

[John Revolting]

Of all the places I have visited I would nominate these three -

Runcorn, Rhyl and Margate

If anyone can think of one good reason why they should be allowed to continue their existence, I will be amazed.

Oh and for anyone interested in this subject -

http://www.chavtowns.co.uk/

[DrS]

Kettering.

Just don't ask.

[skbuncks]

Belgium.

skb

[farmersboy]

Nottingham, Northampton but leaving Six Fields area standing.

[Croydon Bob]

Belgium.

There's no need for that sort of language!

[Matt]

Kettering.

Just don't ask.

According to "the Meaning of Liff" this is the pattern imprinted upon you buttocks or thighs when sitting on a wicker chair.

[DrS]

Well I'd say it was related to "arse end" in some way ...