This same church has, over the last couple of months, displayed some further amusing adverts to attract converts into their clutches.Originally Posted by skbuncks
There is an amusing sign outside the baptist church in headingley, leeds:
JESUS - WHAT A COMEBACK
CELEBRATE EASTER HERE ON APRIL 13TH
At least, I found it funny
From a couple of months ago:
Lying in bed and shouting O God
does not consitute going to churchAnd from today, although why they have this up now is anyones guess.
Bad News: The Easter Bunny
didnt rise from the deadAnyone else seen any amusing or just plain odd church signs?
skb
I know the Church you mean. We lived about five minutes walk from there before emigrating. It has always had these funny posters, and coming up the hill facing it always had an amusing anticipation as to what they'd come up with next.
I'm hopeless at remembering things like this, of course, but I do remember when they opened their new coffee shop to the side. That day there was a sign saying "Free coffee and eternal life. Join now to enjoy the benefits of membership."
lols
St Barnabas is an Anglican Church in the Diocese of Sydney, Australia. The church property is located on Broadway, near the University of Sydney.
St Barnabas is well-known in Sydney for its church signs, including a celebrated "battle" with the publican of the Broadway Hotel across the road.
Here are some of them:
- St Barnabas: "This church is for sinners"
- Broadway Hotel: "This pub is for drinkers"
- St Barnabas: "The best things in life aren't things"
- Broadway Hotel: "Things are not all what they seem to be"
Don't tase me, Bro!
These are probably all fakes but one or two are funny enough anyway:
http://www.oddee.com/item_96543.aspx
I'm interpreting the title of this thread in the widest possible way:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/news...with-beer.html
Bottles of beer will be given to fathers who attend church, in an alternative "blessing" for Father's Day.He argued that the free beer was intended to be symbolic of "the generosity of God".
Men at St Stephen's church in Barbourne, Worcester, will be handed bottles of beer by children during the service. A prayer will be said for the fathers before the gifts are distributed."Posies of flowers are given to mums on Mothering Sunday and we wanted to give a laddish, blokeish gift to the men. A bottle of beer hits the mark. The whole of life is to be celebrated in church."Now then! Free beer! Tempted?"Jesus created a lot more wine at a point in the party when some thought that there had already been enough drinking.He was all in favour of partying," the bishop said.
There was a wonderful fictional one in Morrow's 'City of Truth', a novel about a place where children were brought up to find lying psychologically impossible. So everyone always spoke the literal truth, which led to some hilarious situations.
The sign on the church said:
"If God Exists, Jesus May Have Been His Son"
The latest from my favourite Baptists
TROUBLE SLEEPING? (insert sleepy smiley)
We have sermons
to suit every taste
skb
After an hiatus in amusing signs my favourite Baptists are at it again with this little gem
If you think life is full of surprises
just wait till you die!skb
Unfortunately, I don't expect to be in any state to be surprised about anything once I'm dead...
These have always made me pee my pants - still gave a chuckle! They are from church newsletters/bulletins:
1. Don't let worry kill you - let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper well be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
16. The Reverend Merriweather spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
17. The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7:00 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
18. During the absence of our pastor we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Scubbs supplied our pulpit.
19. With a smile on his face, the pastor listened as the church choir sang the traditional hymn, "How Great Thou Art", as the rather large casket of the over 500 pound parishioner was wheeled out of the church. (submitted by Michael J. Lee, Website, Email)
20. Following this morning's message will be a pubic profession of faith. (submitted by Rick Moore, Website, Email)
21. The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir.
22. Weight Watchers will meet at 7:00 pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use the large double door at the side entrance.
23. The Associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday - "I upped my pledge - up yours!"
24. A song listed in the Church Bulletin at the Nazarene Church in Little Rock, Arkansas; in connection with a sermon on God's mantle..."Let's God Mangle Fall on Me." (submitted by Luella Long)
25. Next Sunday, Mrs. Vinson will be the soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
26. The choir will meet at the Larsen home for fun and sinning.
27. A song fest was hell at the Methodist Church Wednesday.
28. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
29. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on Oct. 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in school days.
30. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say, "hell" to someone who doesn't care much about you.
31. Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
32. The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell on her.
33. Today, Christian Youth Fellowship House Sexuality Course, 1pm-8pm. Please park in the rear parking lot for this activity.
34. Offertory: "Jesus Paid It All"
35. The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Rev. Green who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the Hanging of the Greens.
36. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
37. The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
38. Evening massage -- 6 p.m.
39. The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
40. The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
41. Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
42. Ushers will eat latecomers.
43. The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
44. Today's Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? with hymns from a full choir.
45. 22 members were present at the church meeting held at the home of Mrs. Marsha Crutchfield last evening. Mrs. Crutchfield and Mrs. Rankin sang a duet, 'The Lord Knows Why.'
46. The 1997 Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
47. Pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to Church secretary.
48. 8 new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some of the older ones.
49. Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
50. Removed by request.
Brilliant!
I can add another, from a parish magazine Somewhere in England:
"Parishioners are requested to note that the bowl by the entrance marked "for the sick" is intended for monetary donations only".
Steady with the bunny jokes
Not a church sign, but church-related humour which I have recalled from long ago.
The story goes that a village church was in a terrible physical state, needing complete refurbishment for which they had no money. Then along came a wealthy American visitor whose ancestors came from the village, and he generously stumped up the cash to do the job. Once the work was complete, they held a service of thanksgiving. The American could not be there, so they sent him a recording - and were upset and baffled when they received a furious response accusing them of ingratitude. Further enquiries enabled them to pin down the source of his ire: it was the vicar's address, in which he said (and you must ignore the spelling and imagine what this would sound like to an American):
"Lord we give thee great thanks for providing this succour in our hour of need."
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