As mentioned in the population thread, there are
As someone who has also chosen to be child free I have been the subject of disapproving looks and the odd comment. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, but I do wonder about this whole issue.Originally Posted by Tony Williams
some who claim that there is some kind of spiritual duty to have children, and that every life is precious (even if it's an embryo of a few cells),
Why don't I want children? I could give many good logical reasons for that but the truth is that I just can't see one good reason for having children which of course puts me in a squarely in the minority.
I was taught at (Roman Catholic) school that the point of having children is to "provide angels for heaven"
I should say here that I am absolutely NOT anti-children. I have 13 nieces and nephews who I love dearly, I like children in general, and I (of course) have nothing against anybody else having children
Why do people have children. Can anyone enlighten me?
In the hope that I may mold them in my image and achieve imortality through my lineage. That I may live vicariously through them taking pride in that which they accomplish and I did not. In seeing the world afresh through their eyes wide in wonder at a universe that is allways new. But mostly for the cuddles.
Irresistible bio-emotional demand.
A woman with five children by four fathers, who had had three of her Children taken into care, once told me that my decision not to have children was 'selfish'. I disagreed with her.
Not everyone who has a child does it because they feel that it is their duty, many parents from the Indian subcontinent have children so they can have more people cultivating the land. There is also an old view that having more children is better because when you are older there will be more people looking after you, never acknowledging the fact that few people have the necessary resources to bring up 13 children.
There is nothing wrong with being selfish in this context, If you wish to live your life free that is your right.Originally Posted by Croydon Bob
It is beter for children to be in a family which wants rather that feels obligated to have children.
That is clearly an important factor for many people, who go to desperate lengths (and costs) to have children. I assume it's a programming issue; child-free people like me just missed out on the programming somehow.Irresistible bio-emotional demand.
The way that I look at it is this: looked at logically from the potential parent's viewpoint, all of the arguments (in our western society, anyway) are against having children. They are very costly financially, enormously demanding for a couple of decades at least, usually cause you a lot of grief in their adolescent years, and their existence prevents you from doing lots of other things. You'll also be very lucky if they support you in your declining years - that's increasingly uncommon. In fact, they may want to shove you into an old people's home and sell your house so they can benefit. But if you're programmed to want children, all of this is irrelevant - you want them, and that's that.
Of course, there is a valid argument that society needs children to keep functioning, but I doubt that anyone has them for that reason. They have them because they want them. That's fine by me, but I don't see it as being any less selfish than not having children because you don't want them.
I couldn't agree more, and have often wondered at the esteem given to such a non-rational impulse, so much so that those who don't get the reproductive equivalent of needing to scratch an itch are considered somehow deficient.
Well, there's a good reason for that attitude, in terms of the survival of the human race, of course!
Yes, in many fundamental respects, it's entirely natural. In view of population expansion, though, I would have liked to see some sort of redress of the balance, and some appreciation that those who didn't feel the need to reproduce were not only doing what was natural for them, but also doing the rest of us a favour too.
There is alot of social pressure. I didn't come off the pill till I was 36 so I got a fair bit of pressure and even more weird was the amount other parents thought a non parent couldn't understand (something by and large I still think is poop!). I wouldn't come off the pill until I knew we had a secure foundation to be able to care for a child - pressure or no pressure and when I finally did I had no intention of looping the loop to get pregnant. The whole notion of 'trying' for a baby struck me as rather stressful and unhappy as a process so I let nature be. A year later I was up the duff!
I spent a long time on the 'other side of the fence' and if it had turned out that meant I stayed childless I still think it would have been the right decision because there was more to it than just wanting a child.
As for people that do stay childless, I have a brother and my two best friends who don't have kids and they play a hugely important part in my little girls life. They DO most of the things people attempted to sell to me as the moral reason to have a kid, they share their values, they care, our best friends have agreed if anything happened to us they would take Freya (AKA munchkin), they did take her when D was first in hospital - no small task as she was still B feeding and had never been away from home over night before.
Before I had a kid I worked with kids in care, I had taught autistic toddlers, I babysat, and played a big part in my old boss' daughter's early years.
People that don't have kids often play a vital part in being there when kids need someone that isn't their parent or parents need someone to care for their kids.
I think the world would be a poorer place without the input many child free people put into the next generation - or maybe I've just been very lucky!
One of the 'criticisms' I have had (and so have other child-free friends)was "What about all the people who can't have children. What about them?" like that's got anything to do with anything. Does anybody here know anyone who would desperately love kids, can't, and is offended by us child free ones?
I do have some very close friends in this desperately sad position who are at worst puzzled by my postion but are far more saddened by the drug addicts down the road who are just about to spawn their fifth which will presumeable join the other four in care.
By the way Floppit
Got any pictures?looping the loop to get pregnant
Thankfully I never came across this in my child free years - mind you, if I had I suspect I would have forgotten 5 minutes later due to it's utter irrelevance!"What about all the people who can't have children. What about them?"
I used to know a lovely person who felt she never recovered emotionally from not being able to have kids. When I told her I was coming off the pill but had no intention of pushing for a child (No IVF, no temperature taking and testing every month, no re-scheduling of sex to ensure maximum fertility, no visits to the doctor to ask whether I should stand on my head etc etc etc) she was very supportive of not tyring too hard, she told me that the pressure hurt as much as not having succeeded. It makes me wonder if those people that spout the need to breed aren't actually the ones making it worse for people who aren't able to.
Got any pictures?
I think children are not like a new car or a washing machine. You can't say next year I want get a child. Children happen.
One doesn't need to take pills to avoid a new car ...
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