Jackie Stallone and Rumpology

[Eddiesilence]

Jackie Stallone is proper weird.

After receiving her 'calling' from famous fraudster Edgar Cayce, she's supposed to be sensitive to all things psychic. However, if anyone watched her on Big Brother a year ago, you'll be wondering how she can possibly be psychic when clearly she isn't even tuned in to still-alive people in the same room. But that's just cynical talk. I have good news:


http://www.jacquelinestallone.com/rumps.html


You will hardly believe your eyes. Yes, it’s true, unbelievable as it may sound, Jackie has 'revived the ancient art of rumpology'. This is fantastic: all you need to do is send her a decent photograph of your bare derriere, accompanied by $125, and she will give you a personal reading. Straight up. She will read your butt for a hefty fee: "The lines, crevices, and folds of your fanny, rear-end for those of you in the UK, can, to the trained eye, reveal your personality, fate, and future in luck and love."

And it's definitely true, because being an 'ancient art' from India and Babylon, it has stood the test of time, so it can't be anything but legitimate and workable. Sod palmistry; the future is bums.

Shortly, I shall research the history of rumpology, which I am sure is long and interesting. But in the meantime I shall be following Jackie’s example by beginning my training as a professional rumpologist. But first I need to find a good teacher of this re-discovered art. Any suggestions? Someone here must know where a decent rumpology teacher can be found.

No matter, I’ll wing it for now. I’ll need some help: to start me off on my voyage of discovery, I need a clear, high-resolution picture of everyone's jacksy, and be sure to take these pictures immediately; I am keen to get down to work. Oh, one important point: no piccies of man-crack please, this is a ladies only research project. No photocopier shots either, they flatten out the 'lines, crevices and folds.'

One more thing: if Carol Vorderman is reading this, please arrange for some excellent lighting, and ensure that you set your digital camera to the highest possible resolution.

You have your instructions, so post your posterior pictures on this message board, and I shall divine your fate and fortune forthwith…

I intend to get so good at reading ladies buttockal areas, that I make a fortune, and in the process I shall develop a huge library of photographic ‘training materials’. It's a win-win situation. And furthermore, just you wait James Randi, with enough photos I'll get so damned good at this that you'll lose your million dollars for sure.

Meanwhile, Jackie Stallone, if you're reading:

Are you for real, are you a secret pervert, or is this all just a bunch of arse?

[Muse]

I intend to get so good at reading ladies buttockal areas, that I make a fortune, and in the process I shall develop a huge library of photographic ‘training materials’. It's a win-win situation. And furthermore, just you wait James Randi, with enough photos I'll get so damned good at this that you'll lose your million dollars for sure.


lol - Then you have some competition
Apologies if anyone's seen this before but I couldn't resist. :D


http://usera.imagecave.com/freezingnics/UlfBuck.jpg

Blind clairvoyant Ulf Buck, 39, claims that people's backsides have lines like those on the palm of the hand, which can be read to reveal much about their character and destiny.

"The bottom is much more intense -- it has a much stronger power of expression than the hand in my experience," Buck told Reuters. "It goes on developing throughout your life......"I began on a circle of friends and the circle grew," Buck said. "I am not a new-age freak. I treat people with great care and conscientiousness."

The full story can be found here (http://www.geocities.com/brodavelister/scribble/buttgrab.htm)

Although he claims to have spent many years training his fingers, with his index and middle fingers the most sensitive, Buck says even amateur buttock readers can make a broad-brush assessment of people's personalities.

"An apple-shaped, muscular bottom indicates someone who is charismatic, dynamic, very confident and often creative. A person who enjoys life," he said. "A pear-shaped bottom suggests someone very steadfast, patient and down-to-earth."

He denies that his buttock groping might be motivated by anything other than a genuine desire to probe people's futures.

"I do not need to feel bottoms for my own pleasure. My wife is quite beautiful enough for me," he said.

Yeah right - so you say...... ;D

[Admin]

Rumpology. ;D

I wonder if I could get away with becoming a "breastologist"? :D

I've had this brought to my attention too: www.footreading.com (http://www.footreading.com)

All of these things are based on the same thing. They use Barnum statements on people. It's that simple. They don't even go as far as to cold read.

I also noticed this:


Are there any side-effects?

Clients who have a lot of toxins and impurities in their systems may have a “healing reaction”. This can begin during the reflexology session or shortly afterwards.

Usually the client gets a little bit of what they already have. For example, if you suffer from migraines, you may have a headache as a healing reaction. Having a healing reaction is a good sign. It means that the reflexology is working. You can lessen the effects by drinking plenty of water.

Healing reactions usually pass within twenty-four hours. Because they rid the body of toxins and impurities, they are less likely to occur after the next treatment.

The quack's favourite: ToxinsTM being expelled from the body. ::)

I dealt with this here: The Regressive Fallacy (http://www.skeptics.org.uk/explanation.php?dir=articles/explanations&article=regressive_fallacy.php)

[Jessie]

??? ??? I think I will decline - all my "jacksy" says is that I sit on it too much ;D ;D ;D Honest 8) 8) 8) 8) ;D

Hmmmmm - Breastology - I have had them read thanks, and blue and green :P :P :P :P

[Tony P]

I wonder if I could get away with becoming a "breastologist"? :D


Trust you to come up with that!

Mind you, if you do start, any chance of a job? ;D

[Admin]

I'm sure I could handle it all on my own. ;) ;D

[Lord Muck oGentry]

Bump.



Sorry.

Couldn't resist.

You know how it is.

[bobdezon]

oooh competition for sam amos now ;D

[Lord Muck oGentry]

" There's no art to find the mind's construction in the face."

Ah, but at the other end...?

[bobdezon]

The minds construction might be at the top end, but our soul is at the other ;D

[Julia]

I'm thinking of setting myself up as a penile prophet and scrotal seer. Plenty of bumps and wrinkles to interpret and a good laugh into the bargain! :cheesy:

[Zaira]

Nice one, Julia! Can I be your right hand?

[bobdezon]

If you would allow me to volunteer to be your first test subject I might be able to show you your future ;)

[Julia]

Sorry, folks - I intend to confine myself to a celebrity clientele, starting with Ralph Fiennes. :-*

[bobdezon]

you might stand a better chance if you were an air stewardess ;D

[Zaira]

Just for you, Julia. I'd still like to be your assistant. ;)

http://cache.viewimages.com/xc/1724522.jpg?v=1&c=ViewImages&k=2&d=17A4AD9FDB9CF1939057D9939C83F1068B73405872BDF341 5A5397277B4DC33E

[seren]

I'd be happy to help as long as our slogan is:


Sod palmistry; the future is bums.

;D

[Melanie]

;D;D;D

Thanks guys - after a heavy afternoon painting walls and shampooing carpets, this thread was just what I needed!

I feel much better now.