vbloke © 2006

Gravity obeys what is called the “inverse square law” – that is, it drops off rapidly the further you get, imagine standing next to a hot radiator – the heat is intense, but you feel it less the further you move away from it. True, the gravity of the planets reaches out for millions of miles, but in the case of Earth, the Sun and Moon overpower the combined gravity of every other planet in the solar system. Even the building you are standing in overpowers the gravity of Jupiter.

The electromagnetic force relies on the planets having an electric charge. Whilst the larger planets (Saturn, Jupiter, Uranus and Neptune) do, they are too far away for their relatively weak electric fields to affect us. The Sun’s electric charge dwarfs the entire electric output of all the planets. It’s like comparing a 1.5 volt battery to a power station.

So, this force must be something else. Something that does not diminish by distance and that helps tiny Pluto have the same effect as giant Jupiter.

Astrologers have sometimes said that there is a “quantum force” at work, neatly using Quantum Physics, something that is, let’s face it, very complicated and not easily understood unless you have a lot of PhD’s.

Here’s a quick note though. You might want to note this down for future reference. If something has “quantum” effects, it operates at the sub-atomic scale. Like the strong and weak nuclear force, quantum effects don’t work if you’re bigger than an atom. A lot of people claim “quantum effects” for all sorts of alternative therapies and products. Quantum effects operate on things so small, even the most powerful electron microscopes in the world cannot see them. Once you get to the size of a thousand thousandth of a millimetre, quantum effects no longer work. Write that down.

So, a “quantum force” would only work if Jupiter was an atomic nucleus and you were an electron.

When the zodiac was originally drawn up in around 600BC, astrologers knew about 6 planets – Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn and Jupiter. These were given arbitrary names and characters, as mankind likes to anthropomorphise things. Each planet was known to move around in the sky (the word “planet” actually means “wanderer” in ancient Greek) and appeared to follow the same line across the sky as the Sun and Moon – a line we call the Ecliptic. It is the constellations that lie on this line that we call the zodiac. Every planet passes through the constellations on their journey around the Sun.

So, so far we have six planets, the Moon and Sun and an unknown force. These were considered to affect your personality at the time of your birth.

Hang on, aren’t there nine planets?

All the planets past Jupiter are too far away to be seen properly without telescopes, so the ancients couldn’t have known about them. The telescope was invented around 1608 (not by Galileo, as often claimed, but by a Dutch spectacle maker that we don’t know the name of), this means that, whilst these planets obviously must be having an effect on your horoscope, they weren’t known about, so they couldn’t include them in their calculations.

For a start, this raises an interesting question – these planets had an effect, but couldn’t be included in horoscope calculations – why didn’t ancient astrologers notice this “extra” influence coming from somewhere? If, as they claim, astrology is a science, this effect should be measurable and quantifiable and the positions and sizes of these planets should be calculable by extrapolating from this extra influence. This never happened.

Uranus was discovered in 1781 by Sir William Herschel. Astrologers never saw it coming. Instead, Uranus was quietly included in their calculations. Suddenly, your horoscope changed to include this massive new planet that had always existed. Does the force that controls astrology only work when it’s seen? If we don’t know about something, does it have no effect? If so, you could cross a motorway safely, just by closing your eyes and wearing earplugs.

Neptune was discovered in 1846 by collaboration between Urbain Le Verrier, John Couch Adams and Johann Gottfried Galle. See above.

Pluto was discovered in 1930 by Clyde Tombaugh. Pluto is a bit of an anomaly though, it’s tiny. Also, it’s orbit is what astronomers call “eccentric”; it orbits at an angle to the sun – the other eight planets all lie roughly within the same plane, but Pluto sits at an angle of 17°. It’s also the only planet whose orbit takes it inside the orbit of another planet – for a part of it’s year, Pluto is closer to the Sun than Neptune, the rest of the time, it’s further away. Why does Pluto have the same effect as it’s giant neighbour? To put it another way, Neptune is nearly 58 times the volume of Earth, whereas Pluto is smaller than Earth’s Moon.

What about Sedna? 2002UB313, the recently discovered planet candidate? The asteroid belt? The Kuiper Belt? Comets? Do these have an effect? Some of the moons of Saturn and Jupiter are larger than Mercury and Pluto! Do they have an effect? Why not? Things are looking a bit dodgy for astrology.

So, that’s it for planets – isn’t it?

No.

You see, every dot of light in the sky (apart from the planets) is a star. Our sun is a star as well, it just so happens that we’re very close to it. Do other stars have planets?

Yes.

Since 1989, planets have been found around other stars. In total so far, astronomers have discovered 188 “extrasolar” planets. 188! That’s a lot of planets.

Most of these are huge. In our solar system, Jupiter is the king of planets. It is huge – 1321 times the volume of Earth! Most of these extrasolar planets are what are called “Hot Jupiter’s” – planets that make Jupiter seem small. Some of them are truly gigantic – measured at up to 11 times the mass of Jupiter. 11 times! That’s one big planet.

Astronomers recently discovered a “cold Earth” – a rocky planet around 5 times the mass of Earth orbiting a distant star in our own galaxy. Surely this should affect your horoscope?

If, as astrologers would have us believe, their force does not diminish by distance, then these planets should have a measurable effect on your horoscope. We can’t see them directly, so why should they have an effect? Well, we can’t see Pluto, Sedna or 2002UB313 without very powerful telescopes, but these have been included in horoscopes as having effects, so why not these massive extrasolar planets? You see, these planets haven’t been given “traditional” names like our solar system planets, they’re called things like 16 Cyg B b, HD 216435 b and 55 Cnc d. What does that tell you about their characteristics?

Astronomers have theorised that most of the stars we can see might have planets. We can only detect them by inferring them from how they effect their parent star, so the process is slow and laborious. There are definitely more than 188 out there.

One day, your horoscope will have to include all these planets, but where will the line be drawn? Theoretically, there could be billions of planets in the observable universe. Your horoscope will be very cluttered and probably the size of the Encyclopaedia Britannica every day to include the effects of all these other planets. Phew.

Is that it?

No.

What happens when a star “dies”? Well, some stars explode violently in a supernova, some expand into red giants and then shrink, slowly cooling over billions of years. What could happen is, if one of these stars had a planetary system, some of these planets could be thrown out of their orbits and sent flying through the universe. A planet without a star. These would be almost impossible to see, but it is almost certain that there are some out there. Would these “wanderers” have an effect as well?

Astrologers want to claim their profession is a science. If so, then they have to play by the rules of science. Their force should have a measurable and predictable effect. We should be able to infer and predict things based on this force. No astrologer ever predicted Uranus, Neptune or Pluto based on their calculations, even though they must have been having an effect by their force acting on us. No astrologer predicted extra solar planets or recently discovered comets based on their calculations of the zodiac. No astrologer will tell you that the planets were named arbitrarily by the ancients, these names are used by astrologers to personify them and give them characteristics. Mars was the god of war – hence it controls aggression. This is because it has a reddish colour in the sky and red is the colour of aggression. What would your horoscope be like if it had been called Diana, the Roman goddess of hunting, or Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of Love?

Uranus, Neptune and Pluto’s names were decided by a vote. There was no consideration of their “characters” when they were named. What does this say about their effect on your horoscope?